Posted by: sistermom1 | January 6, 2014

A Very Happy Start to the New Year

New Year’s Eve was my 19th wedding anniversary. I woke up that morning feeling a combination of happy, sad, appreciative, celebratory, reminiscing, and forward-looking. When my husband and I first started this journey together, I had no idea how it would go (does anyone ever know that?). We have built a great life together, including two wonderful children, and I am very proud of it. Since 2005, we also have experienced building our lives with the major health challenge of MS in the forefront, which has dramatically affected our life together. When I think about how this illness has impacted our marriage, I go through a series of emotions, often ending with “I am so sorry that this has happened to us.” Whenever I share this with my husband, he looks at me with deep love in his eyes, sighs deeply, and tells me to stop apologizing and that “We need to play the hand that we have been dealt, so let’s keep going.”

That statement has meant so much to me over the past few years. Our life together is not what I envisioned for us 19 years ago. In fact, our life together is very different than either of us ever expected. That being said, I feel fortunate to have built a beautiful life with someone who loves and respects me (and vice versa!) and whose promise I can confidently rely upon every day. The energy and focus required for me to progress with this illness can often take much of my attention from my family. My definitions of things like “a good mother” and “wife” and “partner” have all shifted along with (because of?) the physical, emotional and spiritual challenges brought on by MS.

We returned to a normal schedule today. Both kids returned to school. My husband started a new assignment on his job — one we are very grateful for — not only because of his income, but because he can continue working from home. I attended a wonderful meeting yesterday, one that left me inspired and encouraged. Even the Metro Access driver who brought me home really inspired me today. Not only was he very friendly, happy and positive, he shared his experience with me, which was deeply impressive. He was in a major accident – run over by a 18-wheeler. As a result he spent 10 years in a wheelchair. He was a customer of Metro Access for that time, and he made the determination to drive for them one day to repay his debt of gratitude whenever he could walk again. His experience really encouraged me, as I continue to work to regain my walking ability. Yes, the specific reasons for our disabilities are different, but the fact that he was disabled for so long and worked hard to be able to walk again deeply encouraged me in my own journey. Thank you so very much!

As I welcome another year, I truly do feel blessed. It is a real benefit in my life to feel this way rather than feeling pained and negative. Every day is a new challenge — a challenge to stay positive and hopeful, to keep exercising and strengthening my body, to keep chanting to deepen my Buddhist practice, to keep up the energy work, the tapping and the meditation, along with writing this blog (the book release will be in 2014!)

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Responses

  1. I loved reading your blog! About your son’s college journey and about your health. Wow. I am inspired. Thank you very much.
    Paula Borinsky


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