Posted by: sistermom1 | July 10, 2013

Understanding more about myself

“In order to be who you are, you must be willing to let go of who you think you are.” I really struggle with this notion. I first encountered it in Michael Singer’s book, “The Untethered Soul”. I recently re-encountered it while reading Brene Brown’s book “The Gift of Imperfection”. I am in the midst of letting go of the behaviors that I had based my life on before I became sidelined due to a MS diagnosis.

Before my diagnosis, I prided myself on being an independent woman. I used to work hard to be the center of activity, to be the “go-to girl”, a resource for my friends and colleagues. I was always trying to be the knowledgeable one in our circle of friends.
It has been difficult learning to live so differently, but it has forced me to slow down and pay closer attention to how and why I do the things that I do. I have also done a LOT more reading, meditating, and chanting. I have encountered many philosophies and approaches along this detour, some of which have truly been life-changing. Although I have not blogged in a while (the summer family schedule has kept me busy), I have been taking time to consider what is required of me at this time in my life, and how I can add value to my pasrt of the world.

During my monthly infusion yesterday, I sat next to two lively and talkative women. One was getting meds, and the other was keeping her company. They had a great discussion during the two hours we were there together, and I often smiled overhearing their conversation. As I was ending my time there, I needed help getting the attention of the nurses, and reaching something that I dropped. Both times, the friend of the patient easily helped me. I kept saying “I can do it” — (To be honest, I am uncomfortable needing help from other people…), but she kept helping me. A comment from the other patient stopped me in my tracks. “You know, the help is just the universe offering love”.

That was a lovely reminder to get out of my own head and let the universe work. Now that my daily life is so different than what I had ever envisioned for myself, I have had to re-orient myself to the way things are — not to resign myself, but in order to become a stronger, more thoughtful person. Through this experience, I am becoming a very different person than I ever expected. The journey is not always pleasant, but I continue to learn much more every day, which (as Martha Stewart would say) is a good thing…

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