Posted by: sistermom1 | October 30, 2012

Letting Go of Fear

It has been a month since my last posting.  Thank you for maintaining your interest in my journey in spite of this break.  Life has been more challenging than usual lately, but along with that I have also had a great time.  Here’s an update:

First, the challenges.  For the past few weeks, I have been experiencing increased spasticity in my legs, which has been very painful, and I would add – depressing.  Despite increasing my exercise and my meds, I have been unable to change this yet.  My insurance does not cover the massage/physical therapy/energy work that I would like to have to get the healing going, so I am moving towards getting what I need by paying out-of-pocket.  As scary as this is, I am blessed that we have the cash to consider doing it at all.

Now to the joy in the midst of the struggle.

I hosted a stella and dot jewelry party as a fundraiser for my daughter’s 8th grade class.  It was great fun, and very successful.  We are really happy with the outcome.  We were able to do it with help from 2 wonderful girlfriends, and we earned $350 dollars towards my daughter’s class trip! (Not to mention ordering some fabulous jewelry – www.stelladot.com!)

I was able to join some of my closest girlfriends for our annual, glorious spa weekend, and it was absolutely what I needed.  I was not able to spend the night, as the lodging was not all that I needed, but the time I did spend with these wonderful women was a true gift.  I also learned a lot about myself getting ready for the trip, like the role that fear plays in my life (a big one),  how uncomfortable I am with going outside of my comfort zone (deeply), how fortunate I have been to stumble across powerful and helpful reading at the best time (very!),  how disruptive that voice in my head can be (I had no idea!), and how fundamentally that voice interrupts my progress.  Getting ready for the trip also helped me learn much more about my husband, and how he supports me if/when I allow it (without question or pause).

I am beginning to find myself again, and it feels really good.  In the past month, I have resumed getting regular manicures, caring more about my appearance, and even ordered some new clothes via the web.  That feels really good too!  I have also recently connected with a cousin with whom I have not spoken in several years (nobody’s fault, just life getting in the way – you know how that is!)  We are sharing positive dialogue around some powerful reading material, which requires that we have a much deeper exchange than the usual niceties.  It has been another meaningful gift from the universe that I truly appreciate.

I have been doing a lot more reading, and have been exposed to many ideas that were new to me, but have really helped me.  Through them,  I am confronting the role of fear in my life, and I am working on letting go of it.  My reading has reminded me that fear compacts/limits our opportunity to grow and become even more powerful/impactful than we ever knew we could be.  It has also reminded me to soften my hardened heart, and eliminate my isolating behavior.  At the same time, this reading has brought many ideas that I already accepted in theory into my everyday reality.  Ideas like the significance of the “I ams” that I internalize (Wayne Dyer and Joel Osteen), the importance of quieting the voice in my mind (Michael Singer), the meaning at the base of all relationships I am blessed to have (Caroline Myss) and the value of soft power (Daisaku Ikeda and Gary Zukav).  Inspiration comes from all sorts of places when I am open to it, so I ask the universe to keep it coming!!!!

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