Posted by: sistermom1 | February 29, 2012

Thank You Wheelchair Kamikaze…

There are several blogs that I receive which I deeply appreciate, many of them written by people who happen to be dealing with MS in their own lives. I love reading these emails. They provide other perspectives of this journey and add to my community of support despite my never having met any of the writers.  One particular blog is called “Wheelchair Kamikaze”  (www.wheelchairkamikaze.com) The writer is a young man who has dealt wth the diagnosis of primary progressive MS for many years and is now in a wheelchair. He is an incredible writer, and I often am deeply touched by the way he expresses himself.  This entry really touched me and I share some of it with you because it so accurately reflects my own experience:

Like the main character in Franz Kafka’s novella “Metamorphosis”, who wakes up one day to find himself transformed into a huge cockroach, patients experiencing progressing disability find themselves living through alarming change. Though this change doesn’t occur overnight, as in Kafka’s tale, it certainly can feel as if it comes on suddenly, and the physical transmutations taking place are inevitably accompanied by troublesome psychological companions. Nine years ago I was happily taking my pooch for a long brisk walk on a very cold winter’s day when I suddenly realized I was limping; fast forward to today and it’s a treacherous and painful struggle to take 10 steps with cane gripped tightly in hand, and more often than not my sorry ass is planted firmly in the seat of a wheelchair. Nine years may sound like a substantial amount of time, but despite the innumerable trials and travails of the intervening years, it feels as if I took that long walk only yesterday. And though I’ve tried to handle my situation with as much grace, courage, and humor as I can muster, deep inside I cannot deny there exists a well contained but always present silent scream.

This entry brought tears to my eyes and prompted me to share the entire blog with several people who play major parts in my life.  It put much of what I feel on a daily basis into very real words, which I greatly appreciate.  There are times that I do allow myself to scream out loud and when I do, it does feel good.  Blogs like Wheelchair Kamikaze have given me much solace along this detour. Check it out when you can.  As for me, I continue to recuperate from what my doctors have called a fairly major exacerbation.  I will keep you updated on the progress that I make….

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