Posted by: sistermom1 | April 29, 2011

Finding the Purpose in the Problem

The other morning, I had a major realization.  It arrived as one of those “messages in the early morning breezes” that I have written about before.  It arrived like a flash of insight.  It came flooding over me in a dramatic, very powerful way.

Since 2007 when my health took a real turn for the worse, I have been enveloped in a very real internal battle to make my life exactly what it used to be.  I have been fighting to have the same life that I had before things went so awry.  I fought to walk again, to work full-time as an executive recruiter again, to drive around again.  Nothing else was acceptable.  Nothing else could be considered “winning” in this stage of my life. 

So what did I realize?  The realization is that I have been given a major gift — time without any real demands of work.  Time to read, learn new things, see friends and spend unrestricted time with my husband and kids.  A real gift.  Before this diagnosis I was a hard-charging, busy professional with many activities, committees and projects that kept me out late many evenings.  My husband supported this schedule, but to be honest he was not a big fan of it.  I lived on the cusp of so many things that I felt were significant.

What I am beginning to see is that none of those things were as important as I made them. 

As a medical intuitive shared with me last week, I am doing more active listening to the voice of my soul.  I am asking the question:  “What is it that my heart wants right now?” more often than “What’s next on my to-do list?”  As a result, I am enjoying more of my daily life than I have in several years, even including the fact that I cannot yet walk unassisted.  I have been told by members of  my family that for the past few weeks — now that I think about it – since I had this realization — I have seemed more relaxed, happy, and easy to be around.  Coincidence?  I think not!

Deciding to enjoy this break rather than fighting so hard to retreive the life that I had has opened me up to a world of possibilities.  In my career as a headhunter, I remember encouraging candidates when the recruitment process took much longer than they or I ever expected that perhaps the universe was giving them the time they needed between full-time employment to do something other than find another job.  Once their new job started it would be a long time before they would be able to take a break, so they should take advantage of this time between career opportunities to really enjoy their lives, their children, their spouse/partner while looking for work.  They always reacted in disbelief, but I really meant it then.  I am reminded of this now in my own life.  It makes me smile….

No, I have not given up on my goal of walking independently again.  This remains my ultimate goal and I am working on what I need to do to achieve it.  (More on that part of this journey later!)  But whether I walk again or not, I am determined to be happy and fulfilled — determined to be an example of a positive person who is moving forward to fulfill her mission in the world. 

I am working hard to find the purpose in this problem.  This problem does have a purpose — I already know that it is helping to end my distraction with so many possible activities and to nudge me gently towards identifying and fulfilling my mission in life.  According to Daisaku Ikeda:

Illness is part of life. From the perspective of Buddhism, the important thing is to summon the courage to fight it with the determination to make a breakthrough. True health is found in a positive and constructive attitude.

Here’s to my being truly healthy!

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