Posted by: sistermom1 | April 5, 2011

Not feeling it lately

For the past 2 weeks I have not felt much like blogging about anything.

One thing that I have learned is that I do have a tendency to credit/blame everything physical that I happen to be dealing with on my MS. That can make for a really good excuse that people have to accept because – well – how could anyone not accept how completely fatigued I have been these days? I look in the mirror lately and have been dismayed by the look of the face that is reflected back at me. I am tired — my spasticity has been unbelievable, and my legs are really non-responsive to my every direction.  I am also 52 years old, married with two school-age children, on two fundraising committees (both events are happening this month!) and have not even felt like going shopping since Christmas.  To be blunt, I am overwhelmed by my reality and am not sure how to get through it.

One of my good friends would ask me right now — “Are you depressed?  You sound depressed — and if you are, you need to take some kind of medication.  You should be on something.”  That is what she has said to me in the past, and I am sure if she is reading this, she is about to fire off another email to me saying similar things.

Please don’t get me wrong — nothing is wrong with taking meds if you need them.  I am also very OK with experiencing the range of emotions that normal human beings experience.  Sadness is one of those emotions, and it is ok to feel sad sometimes — not all of the time, but sometimes.

Accepting the reality of my not feeling it these days, I believe, is part of my being OK with what is.  The power of accepting what is and moving ahead in my life using that power, is something that I am working hard to make happen and maintain. 

Lately I have been overwhelmed by the realization that my life is much harder than I ever planned for or expected.   This realization does not always match the image that I have of myself as a woman who is basically indestructible and who can handle anything easily and with a carefree attitude.  Despite the reality of my health challenges, can I find the woman I used to know?  Is she still there?  And if not, who has she become? 

I am working through many things — reading positive information and encouraging words, weekly acupuncture, connecting with a medical intuitive, strengthening my Buddhist practice, working with Western medicine — looking for the balance that works best for me on this leg of my journey.

Although I have not been feeling it, I remain determined to progress through this detour with my spirit intact — and celebrating.  I’ll keep you posted along the way.  Thanks so much for keeping up with me….

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Dear SisterMom1

    No, the sister that reads your blog ,would not fire off an email about depression becayse it is VERY clear in your statement that you are working through things and it would seem to me that “feeling overwhelmed” and addressing the causes that foster those feelings and actions that overwhelm” is a VERY healthy thing to do and for those of us with MS, we all know at least once a month or more we think” my lide is so much harder than I planned” and we vent!!

    You’re in a good space, analySising thoughts, processes and actions and determining what works best for you and what works best for you and your family!

    Let me say again, I think you are in a good place spiritually, philosophically,as an empowered patient,loving mother and wife and dear friend.

    I think you are ready to write a wonderful book. All who share and who receive spiritual sustainenance,courage to face another day, etc….then you know that inside Linda is a wonderful song of like called a story and we are all eagerly encouraging her to write it now, so we can help spread “Linda’s Song”!

    Peace,

    LadyCrusaderDC

  2. Thanks Lady Crusader,
    I appreciate your logging on to read my blog, and sharing your reaction to the words from another sisterfriend about my expressing the range of emotions I feel from time to time. Your support means a great deal!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: