Posted by: sistermom1 | February 13, 2010

A New Question

What to do when things are not going as you would like them to go– especially when you have recently made a strong determination to remain positive and hopeful throughout all of the challenges that you are facing?

I am sitting in my home after a second snowfall which left us all stranded in the house for several days.  The house is bright from the light being reflected off of the record-breaking snowfall.  It has finally stopped and I am home alone.  My husband took the kids to a nearby hill for sledding,and the house is silent after so many days being filled with our family noise. (Can you say”cabin fever”?)

I feel very much alone, and often when I am alone for any length of time I end up thinking about how different our life is from the original plan that we made so many years ago.  The tears have started and I am feeling deep regret about the life that we have now.  The pressure that is on my husband every day – working, being responsible for everything that the kids do, choosing their schools for next year.  The considerations that our kids have to make to include me in their activities.  I’ve written about all of the equipment that accompanies me these days – and with all of the snow, I have not been able to leave the house for almost a week.  (Good thing I love our house…)

Fundamentally I am not feeling hopeful today.  Focusing on the smaller victories does help me get some of my positive feelings back, so I struggle to keep this in the forefront of my mind more often.  Snatching victory out of the clenching jaws of defeat is  a challenge that I am not always ready to do, but after chanting and reading encouragement from several sources (SGI publications, past blog entries, books by  both Lisa Genova and Sarah Ban Breathnach) I am beginning to feel a bit more empowered and ready to face my life as it is.

Downstairs, my family is returning from a strenuous, frustrating afternoon of sledding.  The snow was too deep and too soft to climb through and sled down easily, but they did enjoy playing in the snow, and are happy to be home to dry off, warm up, eat pizza, and relax.  Perhaps I will join in the apres-snow fun after all….

I found an answer to my original question in something I re-read today.  The encouragement that 13th century Japanese priest Nichiren Daishonin shared in a letter to his followers reminds me of how to approach these challenges.  He shared that “…Winter always turns to Spring…”

Here’s to the end of Winter – and celebrating every victory along the way….

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Responses

  1. I love this blog so much. We miss seeing you every month. I love the name of your blog. When I first got sick, before I stop working I was ” Diva in Distress”. It was almost like a code name for my husband, he knew I really didn’t well. Well I hope to see you soon…..xoxoxo

    • Thanks so much Marisa,
      I do miss seeing you guys at group meeting and promise to get there soon. Thank you for checking out this blog – please feel free to recommend it to others who you think may enjoy it. I hope that you are doing great and feeling well….Love to your son,
      Linda


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