Posted by: sistermom1 | January 21, 2010

Thoughts as the New Year begins…

January is half over (already!) and I am having a bunch of realizations….

I started physical therapy again (Insurance starts at “0” sessions with the New Year.  I ran out last year and am paying for it now with very limited movement…) I also reconnected with my trainer who comes to work me out once a week. This was the first time in many months that I have exercised and stretched so consistently, and it has been very challenging, but great.  I really missed it!

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but I am not so sure today….  I am having more muscle spasms than usual and have great difficulty moving on my own. Two years ago, right after my hip replacement, I was able to do more things independently, which is very discouraging now. I am taking the Tysabri monthly (4 months now) but I have yet to see a positive change.   I finally bit the bullet and called my insuror directly to discuss my coverage and the bills I have been getting from the infusion center. (Me: “I thought you were covering this.”  – Them: “Well we only cover 75% – you pay the balance” – Me: “But each infusion session costs $4500….”)

The best news was that my out-of-network psychotherapy is covered at 50%, and they owe me for all of last year, so that money is coming!  I have never been good at tracking/managing finances – especially paying attention to the details of these different payments. In fact, I did not realize that we have three different institutions to speak to about my medical care…

And now the latest development.  I received a “Welcome to Medicare” invitation!  I am of two minds about this – part of me is happy and anticipating great help with my health-related expenses.  The other part of me is very sad – I AM disabled – officially, and that is affecting me emotionally.  I continue to work on celebrating my small victories and this definitely should be counted as one.

Today I learned something new about myself.  I am still learning to take things as they come and to appreciate the journey itself  (No matter what experience I encounter).  I have written about this before, and my faith certainly supports this way of thinking, but  unfortunately I do not always behave the way my faith outlines.  I am still very much a work in progress, but I am learning that that’s OK.

In discussions with my therapist today, she told me that she has noticed that I have had much more energy in our last few sessions.  I was surprised to hear that, but when I thought about it, I have been feeling more energetic lately.   I have been able to get up earlier in the day, make some occasional morning appointments, eat dinner with the family instead of alone in the bed/office, and I even cooked dinner once last week!  (The first time in two years)  Maybe the Tysabri IS making a positive difference after all….

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