Posted by: sistermom1 | January 15, 2010

A new attitude with the New Year

Something about this condition (MS if you are joining me for the first time — welcome!)  is making me re-think everything that is in my current life.  Why did I build such a successful career only to lose it 2 years ago? Why can’t I go on all of the field trips with my children like before?  How should I negotiate participating in activities when I need so much equipment to do them comfortably without inconveniencing everyone else?  How can my husband be so sweet and understanding of me almost all of the time when our life together is so dramatically different than it was just 2 years ago, let alone 15 years ago when we were first married?

I continue to work on having and celebrating small victories each day, rather than single-mindedly focusing on my main goal – to walk unassisted again.  It is going well, and I find that (despite my earlier complaints) my general energy level is higher and my ability to get moving earlier in the day is improving.

A good girlfriend visited me yesterday and really helped me change my attitude.  We had not seen each other in several months, and in those months I have acquired two chair lifts and an electric hover chair.  I expected her reaction to be one of surprise and pity.  It was the exact opposite – she was actually happy for me, jumping up and down, clapping her hands and smiling, saying “Now you can go with us on the bike trails!”  It really made me pause and think – why am I focusing so much on what I can no longer do, rather than on what I can do?  I have spent a lot of time these past two years mourning for my past life rather than celebrating my current one. 

As I continue studying the buddhist sutras, I am reminded of the tremendous value of a single day of life as a human being.  Each day of life provides you with an opportunity to grow, learn and change what needs to be changed in your life.  If you aren’t alive, you don’t have the chance to make the causes to develop your life or fulfill your mission, which is very important to me. I would much rather be here than not – even with my MS – and I will continue to fight for and and keep my focus on the positive, productive and value-creating aspects of my current life and its many challenges….

Thanks Diane for your life-changing visit!


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