Posted by: sistermom1 | January 4, 2010

Happy New Year!

This past Christmas week, I continued my battle of mixed emotions.  I usually love this time of year – the decorations, the shopping, the eating, and the excitement of all of the kids that we are fortunate to have in our lives. 

One of my best friend’s birthday is New Year’s Day.  This January, she  celebrated her 50th birthday, which was HUGE for all of us, and her husband bought her a new  Volvo, and planned a surprise party for her with 100 attendees.  Yes, he is a great spouse — and she really deserves someone like that in her life!

As I think about this time of year, I am reminded how stressful it has been for me in the past.  In 1991, I left my first husband two days before Christmas — after what had been a very difficult time.   I moved into my parents’ home that Christmas and my good friend Sharon celebrated the New Year with me that holiday.   The next week I leased an apartment on my own and started a new life.  We divorced several months later, which was absolutely the right decision, and I never have regretted it. 

Going through it I was often reminded that “changing your circumstances does not change your karma”.  I still had to change a great many things about myself to be really happy in my life.   What was it about me that attracted such a negative person as a spouse?  What about me made me choose him to be my husband?  Although my parents did not like anything about him from the very beginning, they supported my decision to marry him, and paid for a wedding so fabulous that many of the attendees still talk about it all of these years later….I had to ask myself moving forward – What type of person did I really want in my life, and how could I attract HIM?

Years later, with much prayer and experiences, and progress, I began to see that the only way to attract a wonderful spouse and partner was to become one myself.  I chanted a lot about that, and made a list of the characteristics that I would need to demonstrate to become the kind of partner that I wanted.  It took me a few years, and some difficult work, but I ultimately did find a partner who is absolutely the right man for me to be with.  We married on New Year’s Eve in 1994, and just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary!  (Note: I too have a wonderful spouse who I will write about later!)

In the interim, thanks for sharing this New Year with me.  I am determined to make 2010 a great year for me and my entire family – even if I am not able to walk as I would like.  My walking does not determine whether I am victorious every day.  Although I will work on being able to walk every day, I will stop ransoming my happiness to it.  I can be happy whether or not I walk on my own, and this year, I am going to be happy!!!!!

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