Posted by: sistermom1 | November 13, 2009

Being on the edge

Some days, MS has me convinced that my world is getting progressively smaller.

With the exception of medical appointments, there are many days when I do not leave my home — or even go downstairs.  When I compare this reality to my life before this detour, there is such a dramatic difference.  So many things have changed about my daily routine…

– It often takes me until about 11AM before  I have enough energy to walk to the shower.

– I need to have a commode right next to my side of the bed every night

– I cannot drive my own car – or go anywhere on my own or by myself

– I cannot climb a stair case

– I cannot stand on my own without a walker, and cannot travel anywhere without an electric scooter

To be honest, I have been having more days lately when my tears just keep flowing despite my attempts to control them.   The tears are for so many of the things I am not able to do right now – walking, hanging out in the parking lot at my kids’ school talking with the other moms, attending and networking at corporate receptions after a full day’s work, spending an hour convincing a potential star candidate to consider an incredible employment offer from a top-level organization,  running to an aerobics class, walking to (and through!) the grocery store. 

My sphere of influence seems so much more limited than it ever was.  Is it really?  There are many reasons to think not – that is, when I am thinking clearly and not feeling sorry for myself.  There is so much that I can do right from my chair in my home.  Prayer is powerful – as is intention – and living prayerfully and intentionally is something that I can certainly do every day — whether or not I am able to walk.  Sharing a quote from my mentor in life, Daisaku Ikeda:

Do you give up the struggle to overcome your own limitations on the first attempt, or do you keep on with it, trying a second time, a third time, and continuing on in the challenge for the rest of your life? That is the only difference between the genius and the ordinary person.”

When I read encouragement like this, I am reminded that in fact my world is not getting smaller, it only feels that way when I am focusing on a very small part of my current life experience.  When I pull back to get the bigger perspective, I am able to see myself on a detour, just off of the main pathway – what my mother has often called “the scenic route” – and I am moments away from my next discovery.

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Responses

  1. Hi Linda, what an amazing woman you are. Despite your struggles, your strength and ability to deal with the cards life has dealt jump right off the page. You are a survivor and an inspiration to many people.

    As I follow your journey on these pages, I’m reminded of your energy and your positive vibe … even though I haven’t seen you in ages, I still feel your spirit.

    Your words are powerful.

    Just wanted to reach out to let you know you’re in my thoughts and prayers.

    take good care,
    d.

  2. My dear friend – I ache for you while celebrating you. I thought of one quote in paticular that I want to share with you about your tears because I think it’s so apt…
    “When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ~Kahlil Gibran
    I love you and will try to come by this weekend…you rock!!! Viki


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