Posted by: sistermom1 | August 19, 2009

We are all back in school

Two days after we celebrated my mother’s eightieth birthday at a weekend-long, family-filled celebration, (which I am still recuperating from) both of our children started the school year. 

Today was their first full day at school, and my daughter’s day started with a huge meltdown.  I joined her right in the middle of it, despite my best efforts to control myself and be a “good mommy”.  It was the first time in years that I have spoken an unkind word to anyone in my family.  I pride myself on being composed and centered on the positive, especially since I have been working on my practice of Buddhism for 25 years.

Well, I met her right where she was at that moment – something I am not proud of – and said a few well-placed “damns” as I asked her what the h**l she had been doing all morning to get ready for school.  That of course upped the ante, and her tears became gargantuan.  As she came in my room wailing “Mommy you said a bad word to me!”, my heart sank.  Apologizing to a 10-year old is not something I have had to do often, but I sucked it up and explained how frustrated I was with how the morning has been going.  (MS makes it difficult for me to move much before noon, and have to leave it up to my husband to get them ready)

My daughter is a very sensitive soul – she helps me regularly with everything from picking up things that I have dropped on the floor to checking if I need to go to the bathroom when we are out in public places.  She is an absolute angel, and never complains about whatever I need her to do to help me out.  I am very forunate to have her in my life.  To say the very least, this morning was an anomaly for her.

After we hugged it out and her dad took her and her brother to school, I spent the next few hours thinking (worrying?) about what had happened and how it affected her.  I often think of how my becoming disabled has affected my children, and pray often that it has helped them develop their acceptance and concern for others.  The jury is still out on that, but every now and then I am given the benefit of a glimpse of their humor, flexibility and compassion.

Today was a very challenging day for all of us. The kids did make it through the day successfully and both came home in excellent spirits.  Summer vacation has ended, and I am a little sad that we are back in the flow of things.  The children are sad to be back in school, but happy to reunite with their friends after the break.

I guess we all have a few more things to learn about how to live together as a happy family.  Today was a learning opportunity for me — I do appreciate the lessons…..


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